


Gallifrey's Secrets

by cosmic_llin



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-20
Updated: 2006-11-20
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_llin/pseuds/cosmic_llin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah Jane wants the Doctor to tell her about Gallifrey.</p><p>Written for paranoidangel in the Sarah Jane Genficathon. References several episodes, particularly Death to the Daleks and The Brain of Morbius</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gallifrey's Secrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paranoidangel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoidangel/gifts).



‘So, where exactly _is_ Gallifrey?’ Sarah asked the Doctor, following him around as he rushed about the control room, doing goodness knew what with all the strange buttons and levers.

This was the second time she had travelled in the strange police box, but the first time she had been hiding and not in the ideal position for observing and asking questions. She was making up for lost time now.

‘How do you know about Gallifrey?’ he asked, taken aback for a moment. He stared at her.

‘You told me, remember? You said that was where you were from. Where is it? Is it far?’

He recovered, with a little laugh.‘Oh, only about two hundred and fifty million light years away in the constellation of Kasterborous at galactic coordinates ten-zero-eleven-zero-zero by zero-two from galactic zero centre.’

He said all of this very fast. She got the feeling that he was trying to confuse her, or impress her, or perhaps both. A noncommittal answer was usually best for that.

‘Oh.’ Sarah peered over the console. ‘What does this do?’ she asked, pointing to a row of lights that blinked and beeped.

‘Don’t touch that!’ the Doctor cried. ‘I wasn’t going to touch it! I just asked what it did. I’m not stupid enough to try and fly a spaceship, you know…’

‘It’s called a TARDIS, not a spaceship. Time And Relative Dimension In Space.’

‘All right, then, but I’m still not stupid enough to try to fly it. Where are we going?’

‘Back to UNIT Headquarters. I think we’ve had enough excitement for one day, don’t you?’

‘Ooh, but…’

‘But what?’

 ‘Couldn’t you take me somewhere else first? Like an alien planet? I mean, I might never get a chance like this again! You’ll drop me off home and it’ll be back to everyday, won’t it?’

The Doctor frowned. ‘Don’t you like being a journalist?’

‘Well, of course I do! But this isn’t the sort of opportunity that crops up every day, is it? Oh, please, Doctor? Take me somewhere exciting! How about Gallifrey, could you take me to Gallifrey?’

‘Humans aren’t allowed on Gallifrey, I’m afraid.’

‘Oh, but…’

‘But what?’

‘Well, I did save your life today. Twice, if you recall.’ She raised her eyebrows at him and folded her arms.

‘Yes, and I saved yours, too, so you can stop that. I’m very grateful to you, Sarah, but that doesn’t mean that I can…’ He paused and tipped his head to one side, listening, and then moved to look at a glowing display. ‘It’s too late now, anyway,’ he said. ‘We’re here.’

And she followed him out of the doors and into a strange London, and it turned out that the adventures didn’t stop there.

* * *

‘I knew you’d want to come,’ the Doctor said, as Sarah threw her things down on the floor of the control room and went to watch what he was doing. ‘If I persuaded you hard enough.’

‘Oh, I didn’t need persuading,’ Sarah said, airily. ‘I just wanted to make sure you really wanted me here. I wanted to come to Florana the moment you mentioned it. But there was no reason to let you know that.’

The Doctor rolled his eyes and tutted. ‘You Humans are all the same…’

‘And you’ve changed your tune, anyway!’ Sarah continued. ‘The other day you just wanted to send me home and have done with it!’

‘Well, I wouldn’t say that, exactly…’

‘Well, what would you say?’ she sounded cross, but she was grinning.

‘I had a feeling that you would end up staying on the TARDIS for a little while longer…’

‘Then why didn’t you say anything at the time?’

‘Well, there was no reason to let you know that…’

She giggled. ‘You Time Lords are all the same…’

‘We’re not, you know,’ he said, quietly, suddenly serious.

‘What do you mean?’ Sarah asked.

He shook his head. ‘Nothing. I’ll tell you another time, perhaps. Come on, you’d better get ready; we’ll be on Florana before you know it!’

* * *

Sarah sighed, long and deeply, when the TARDIS doors closed behind them and the Doctor set to work getting them away from Exxilon.

‘Are you all right, Sarah?’ he asked, turning to look at her.

‘Oh. Fine,’ she nodded, with a little smile. She sat on a step and sighed again.

‘Actually,’ she said, ‘I could almost feel that I’m getting used to this sort of thing…’

‘So would you like to stay a little longer, then?’

‘That depends,’ she grinned. ‘Where are we going next?’

He pursed his lips, thinking. ‘We could go to see the Citadel of Peladon,’ he suggested. ‘It’s one of the most impressive sights this side of the universe, for sure…’

‘Well, just as long as it’s going to be nice and safe. I don’t mind adventures in moderation, but I could manage without seeing another one of those Daleks ever again…’

‘Couldn’t we all,’ the Doctor said.

‘You really hate them, don’t you?’ she asked.

‘Oh, I don’t hate them, Sarah. It’s useless to hate the Daleks. All you can do is defend against them. They’re like a force of nature.’

‘Well, I just hope I don’t have to meet them again, that’s all.’

‘So do I.’

‘They give me the creeps,’ she said. ‘Those horrible voices of theirs. And every time I look at them I imagine the little creatures inside, looking out…’

‘Best not to think about it,’ the Doctor said.

‘But I _want_ to think about it. I don’t like them. But I want to know about them. They’re interesting. At least, they are when they’re not right in front of me trying to kill me.’

The Doctor seemed surprised, but he nodded. ‘I’ll tell you about the Daleks,’ he said. ‘What do you want to know?’

‘Well, how did you first meet them?’

‘The Daleks and the Time Lords have been enemies for a very long time…’

‘Ooh, now there’s something else I wanted to ask you…’

‘Yes?’

‘Time Lords. Will you tell me about them?’

The Doctor suddenly looked uncomfortable. ‘What would you like to know?’

‘Well, is everybody on Gallifrey a Time Lord? Or is it a qualification that you have to study for? Does everyone get their own TARDIS? How do you make them? When did you learn how to travel through time? What are your people like? Why do you travel by yourself? Wouldn’t it be more sensible to have a large crew on something this size?’

‘I don’t travel by myself,’ he said. ‘I’ve got you.’

‘Yes, but you didn’t, did you, until a couple of weeks ago?’

‘I’ve had other people travelling with me before.’

‘Other Time Lords?’

‘No…’

‘Humans?’

‘Mostly, yes.’

‘But why? Wouldn’t other Time Lords be more useful?’

‘They might be more useful,’ the Doctor conceded. ‘But I wouldn’t like it.’

Sarah opened her mouth to ask another question, but the TARDIS shook and she cried out in surprise instead. The Doctor took hold of her arm to help her balance as they listed first to one side and then to the other, and then dashed over to the other side of the console to press some buttons in a very important looking, don’t-distract-me-with-questions sort of way.

‘Looks like we’ve arrived on Peladon,’ he said after a few minutes. ‘It’s very striking, Sarah, you’ll love it. Come on.’

* * *

She didn’t ask him about the Time Lords for a while after that. There never seemed to be time. They were always rushing somewhere, or being captured, or helping someone, or fleeing something. She wanted to ask him again, but she got the feeling that it was a subject that needed to be broached with no small degree of delicacy. While they were being pursued by a monster probably wasn’t the best time.

And then he regenerated. Apparently all Time Lords could. And then, of course, it made her even more curious about them, but this new Doctor wasn’t the same and she wasn’t sure yet how to talk to him. And then Harry was always there, and still they were always running from or running to, or just running, or escaping, or hiding, and still there wasn’t time to ask.

The longer she waited, the more she wanted to know. The more she wanted to hear what kind of a people could have created this man who travelled around the universe seemingly at random, always landing where there was trouble and always managing to solve it.

* * *

The Doctor wasn’t in a good mood. He had been fine, almost jovial, back in the temple with the Sisterhood of Karn, but now, back in the privacy of the TARDIS, he was crashing about and muttering to himself and most decidedly not happy.

‘Doctor?’ Sarah ventured. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Oh, yes, I’m all right. Perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with me.’

He slammed a lever down so hard that it cracked its surround. He left it like that and went over to the kitchen. Sarah followed him.

‘Cup of tea?’ he asked. ‘That always makes everyone feel better, a nice cup of tea…’

‘That would be nice, yes, please,’ said Sarah.

He started to throw open cupboards, seemingly at random. ‘Where’s the sugar? Why isn’t there any sugar?’ he asked, slamming the cupboard door shut and banging his fist on the counter.

Wordlessly, Sarah opened another cupboard, took out the sugar and handed it to him.

‘I knew that!’ he said, snatching it from her and pouring it into the waiting mugs in much greater quantities than was advisable. He still hadn’t put the kettle on. Sarah went to do it.

‘I can do that!’ he shouted. ‘Do you think I don’t know how to make a cup of tea?’

‘Of course not!’ said Sarah.

‘Well, leave me alone, then, will you? It doesn’t take two of us to make a cup of tea, does it?’

‘I…’

‘Well, does it?’

‘Apparently not,’ she said, venomously, and stalked out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

She was sitting on a chair, staring moodily at the wall, when he came back in. He handed her a mug of tea without a word.

‘Thank you,’ she said.

He just grunted. She sipped her tea slowly. He took a long gulp of his, despite the fact that it was almost boiling hot still. She didn’t know if that even mattered to Time Lords. She didn’t know anything about them, really. She watched him stare angrily into his cup and reflected that she really knew very little about him. Here she was, travelling the universe with him, and what did she know about who he was or where he came from? Nothing, really.

She did, however, know rather a lot about his normal behaviour and moods, and this was decidedly out of character. He was never angry with her like this. Certainly he scolded her, but it wasn’t as if he ever meant it, and that was always proper shouting, and over when it was over. This sulking and crashing about was new.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked him.

‘There’s nothing wrong. Why should anything be wrong?’

‘Doctor,’ Sarah said, firmly. ‘I know you. You’re not like this. There is something wrong. I wish you wouldn’t try to pretend otherwise – I’m not a fool, you know.’

‘No, you’re not.’

‘So?’

‘You wouldn’t understand.’

‘Wouldn’t I?’

He made a little harrumphing noise. Sarah rolled her eyes.

‘All right!’ he said. ‘I just don’t want to tell you! Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?’

‘Well, it’s halfway there. At least you’re being honest.’

‘Well,’ he said, enigmatically.

‘Do you want to tell me the rest?’ she asked. ‘About what’s got you in such a mood today? Is it something I did?’

‘No! No, Sarah, you didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything right. It’s me who got everything wrong. Me and the Time Lords.’

‘The Time Lords? Do you mean Morbius?’

‘Oh, him and the lot of them! It’s all the same in the end! And I’m no better! I tell myself I am, but I’m not! Always meddling or not-meddling… we think we’re so much better than the rest of the universe!’

‘Doctor, why is this suddenly…’

‘I should never have brought you here, Sarah! You might have been killed! Or you might have been blinded permanently…’

‘I’ve been in danger lots of times before,’ she pointed out. ‘You’ve never seemed to mind.’

It was one of the things she liked about him. He didn’t think that she needed too much protecting. He liked danger. She liked it, too, in moderation.

‘That was different,’ he said.

‘Why?’ Sarah looked into his eyes; she had never seen him so agitated. ‘Tell me why.’

‘It’s the Time Lords,’ he said. ‘They just send me wherever they like and expect me to solve their problems for them. And you get dragged along for the ride and something like this happens! But it’s my fault for bringing you onto the TARDIS in the first place! And then of course there was Morbius… thought he deserved to rule the universe just because he could! It’s what we all think, in the end, whether we admit it or not…’

‘But you don’t want to rule the universe, do you?’

‘Oh, no, not as such, of course. But in my own way I’m just as arrogant, just as sure of my own superiority as they are! Don’t tell me you don’t think I’m arrogant? And all it does is get people hurt needlessly!’ He paused, taking a deep breath. ‘Time Lords!’ he finally cried, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.

‘Can’t live with them; can’t live without them?’ Sarah suggested.

‘Something like that.’ He seemed to deflate, a little.

‘Tell me about them,’ said Sarah, firmly. It was cruel, to take advantage of his distress to find out his secrets, but this was what she had been wanting to know for months, and it seemed as though he was finally ready to tell her.

‘The Time Lords used to be like humans,’ The Doctor said. ‘Just people. Flawed, ordinary people. Until we discovered the secret of time travel, and the Time Lords decided that they had the right to police the universe. I mean – even the name – _Time Lords_,’ he spat ironically. ‘_Ruling_ over Time…’

Sarah patted his arm gingerly. ‘What’s it like on Gallifrey?’ she asked.

He sighed. ‘Not so bad, in its way, I suppose. The sky is orange, not blue like yours. And the days are longer, much longer. The leaves on the trees are silver, or sometimes bronze. They only fall once every two thousand days – children sweep them into big piles and make nests in them. And the Citadel – the Citadel is magnificent…’

‘It sounds pretty,’ said Sarah.

‘Do you want to see?’ he asked.

‘What? Go to Gallifrey?’

He shook his head. ‘That would cause more trouble than even I’m prepared to get into. And you wouldn’t like it, anyway. No, we’re not going to Gallifrey. But I’ll show you some pictures.’

He got up and pressed a few buttons on the console. A picture of a sweeping desert appeared on one of the small screens.

‘Press this button to move onto the next picture,’ he said. He took her empty tea mug. ‘I’ll wash these up.'

He started towards the kitchen, then paused. ‘Sarah?’

‘Yes, Doctor?’

‘I’m sorry about everything. And I do appreciate your help, you know.’

Sarah was so taken aback that she couldn’t formulate a reply before he was gone. Of course she knew he cared – of course he did. But this was the closest he had ever come to telling her so.

She turned to the pictures of Gallifrey. The first few were of the landscape – a reddish tint to the sky, mountains and plains and forests. And then buildings, the Citadel, the Capitol. There were some pictures of people, too. None of them looked like her Doctor, or even like her Other Doctor, but one face looked familiar – she thought perhaps she had seen it during the Mindbending contest earlier that day. Whoever it was featured in several pictures – collecting awards, in the middle of an excited crowd, with somebody important-looking, being arrested, it looked like. She sort of hoped it was the Doctor.

Since he hadn’t told her not to, she carried on investigating, finding the computer files about Gallifrey’s history and society. She read about the High Council and the Lord President, about Rassilon and Omega, the development of the Tardises and the evolution of Gallifreyan social structure.

And then she read the file on the Doctor himself. There was a lot in there. He had caused the High Council quite a lot of trouble, so much that they had even exiled him. No wonder he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. It must hurt to have your own people treat you that way.

Sarah read for hours. It was almost addictive. The Doctor’s past had been a closed book for so long, and now he had opened it for her. Her heart was full of empathy and she felt almost as if she knew him better than she knew herself.

He came in, when she was almost finished.

‘Now do you see why I hate the Time Lords?’ he asked.

‘I think so,’ she said. She wanted to tell him that she understood – that the worst part of it was the way, despite the way they had treated him, that he still couldn’t really bring himself to hate them at all. But there was no need to mention it, really.

‘I’d still like to go to Gallifrey, though,’ she said.

‘I’ll take you, one day,’ he told her. ‘Humans have been allowed in the past – they will be again. Be patient, and I’ll take you.’

* * *

It wasn’t really his fault, Sarah often reflected, after. He had probably meant it. He probably would have taken her, had it been possible. It wouldn’t have made any difference to anything, anyway. That didn’t stop it hurting, of course. But knowing what she knew about Gallifrey, and the Doctor, made it a little bit easier to understand.


End file.
